Goodness it's been a bit since my last post! Our family has undergone some major changes! Audrey, now 19, has ventured out on her own! She is currently working in a salon as a massage therapist and on the days she isn't in the salon she is working from her home massage room. She has Matthew who thinks this family has lost their mind, but he sticks by her! Michael and I have decided to give foster care another try. We have a special needs little guy in our home. He came for the weekend July 4, 2014. He never left ;). ...
What about our unwelcome guest you ask? Oh PTSD still tries its hardest to cause mass chaos, but most days we keep it to very localized chaos. We have learned many things that set that ugly beast off, and we try to prepare for it when it's unavoidable and steer clear when possible. We still have to explain to some why we only go to places that are known for not being crowded, or why we avoid certain tv shows and movies, but the awareness that has been raised just within our circle has helped tremendously. Life is strange, it's stranger when you choose happy!
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Monday, October 8, 2012
Hello! Nice to meet you all!
I have been wondering what should be my next post. I really don't think everyone wants a play by play of our life. So I thought I would just try to get to know some of you who are following our posts. Do any of you out there suffer from PTSD? What are your triggers? How do you cope? Or are you not suffering from PTSD but just want to learn more? Are you interested in what you can do to help?
Tell us your story! We can't wait to hear from you! Until then-I leave you with this....We are still a family battling PTSD, we just fight it in way that we can look ourselves in the mirror tomorrow!
Thursday, October 4, 2012
A little history.....
Ok, so we are a few days into this and all you know is our family fights PTSD. I thought it might be nice for y'all to get to know us.
We are the Lewis'. Michael, Kelly, and Audrey. Michael was in the military for 12 years. Kelly (that's me) followed Michael to each of his duty stations putting on her best military wife face. Then there is Audrey, a driving teenager, an only child.
In 1999 Michael came home from a deployment shortly after we married somewhat different, but we paid it little mind. We were too busy being a young family. We pushed those things aside and shrugged them off as "normal" for the situation. Looking back on it, nothing about it was normal. It was OUR normal, but not many others thought it was normal. Then Michael had his last deployment and when he came home he was no longer Michael. Very little of the things he said or did even vaguely resembled the man I married. Audrey even felt that "daddy" was different. The things we brushed off as "normal" before were now up in our face screaming "this is not normal, and just wait for the other stuff that's coming!" We were blindsided by the events that came next. Our family was quickly torn in two. One half of it was outwardly showing the hurt, and trying to put the inside back together while the other half was holding it all together on the outside but quickly crumbling on the inside. Yeah, you guessed it-Michael totally appeared to be okay with our broken family. He had decided to move on, and not let this stop him from living his life. Audrey and I were limping along trying to fix what we could and deal with the hurt. Nine months, almost to the day, later it was as if a light switch was turned on, and Michael could see what a mess things were and he wanted his family back. By this time his family was doing fine and getting by, but we were relieved to be able to put our family back together. And we all lived happily ever after.................................................JUST KIDDING!! That time was rocky at best. That is the time that PTSD decided it wanted my family, and I decided it would have to kill me for it-that 's the story we will tell as you all get to know us. As for now though, we are living happily ever after, laughing in the face of everything PTSD tries to pull.
We are the Lewis'. Michael, Kelly, and Audrey. Michael was in the military for 12 years. Kelly (that's me) followed Michael to each of his duty stations putting on her best military wife face. Then there is Audrey, a driving teenager, an only child.
In 1999 Michael came home from a deployment shortly after we married somewhat different, but we paid it little mind. We were too busy being a young family. We pushed those things aside and shrugged them off as "normal" for the situation. Looking back on it, nothing about it was normal. It was OUR normal, but not many others thought it was normal. Then Michael had his last deployment and when he came home he was no longer Michael. Very little of the things he said or did even vaguely resembled the man I married. Audrey even felt that "daddy" was different. The things we brushed off as "normal" before were now up in our face screaming "this is not normal, and just wait for the other stuff that's coming!" We were blindsided by the events that came next. Our family was quickly torn in two. One half of it was outwardly showing the hurt, and trying to put the inside back together while the other half was holding it all together on the outside but quickly crumbling on the inside. Yeah, you guessed it-Michael totally appeared to be okay with our broken family. He had decided to move on, and not let this stop him from living his life. Audrey and I were limping along trying to fix what we could and deal with the hurt. Nine months, almost to the day, later it was as if a light switch was turned on, and Michael could see what a mess things were and he wanted his family back. By this time his family was doing fine and getting by, but we were relieved to be able to put our family back together. And we all lived happily ever after.................................................JUST KIDDING!! That time was rocky at best. That is the time that PTSD decided it wanted my family, and I decided it would have to kill me for it-that 's the story we will tell as you all get to know us. As for now though, we are living happily ever after, laughing in the face of everything PTSD tries to pull.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Momma said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my momma said.
It has been a completely beautiful day. One that has been full but not overwhelming, the weather was perfect and everyone seemed like the world was flowing in their favor. We had lots of phone calls and even a few visitors. Supper was done early and the kitchen was cleaned before dark. Then the sun went down, the phone calls stopped, no one stopped by and tv shows took over. The longer the tv was on the more tension filled the air. Now I am sitting here trying to decide if I am gonna even address the issues going on tonight. Why is it when things seem to be going the smoothest is when the explosions happen, the flashbacks and triggers are rampant? The irrational adrenaline rush kicks in and we are in a full battle with PTSD. How is it that even after ten years we are still having this struggle? Why is it that he cannot just choose us and push that knee jerk reaction aside? I have come to realize it is because in a PTSD meltdown he is comfortable. Not that he likes that he is comfortable there, but until we figure out every single trigger and how to deal with each of them properly this will be our reality. For now it is quiet again, you know the quiet where no one knows what to say. Well for tonight we will laugh on the inside, and while PTSD may have won this battle-the war is far from over!
THIS IS OUR PERIMETER o_O
Well after 16 years of marriage you pretty much get used to each other, and your kids. The things that are said and done aren't usually so far out there that it leaves you with a "what the heck" feeling anymore. Until you decide you are going to try the great outdoors, then you WILL have that "what the heck" feeling! Not a question of if, it's simply a matter of when.
For those of you who don't know me, this is my first year of experiencing outside stuff. I helped my family with the garden this year, I even planted my own flowers! I discovered that outside really isn't so bad. So now that I'm Outdoor Woman of the Year it just seemed logical that we become expert campers. Yep, we were going for roughing it-by roughing it I mean we have a small travel trailer and I have to walk to the PUBLIC showers to get semi clean feeling. My wonderful husband, our daughter and her friend load up in two separate vehicles and we were off to experience the most extreme adventure I have ever had. Yes we were escaping for the weekend. No cell phones, no craziness, no family. Just us.
We arrived at our destination earlier than expected that day so we eagerly parked the trailer, unloaded and was going to go exploring. While unloading and setting up our daughter and her friend come in with a look of confusion all over their faces. Surely no one has ever seen that from their 16 year old! I paid them little attention until Audrey pipes in with, "Dad is hanging a rope around the trees". Obviously he is hanging it in anticipation of needing to dry towels later I thought. After several minutes I pop outside to check on Michael's progress of our clothes line. It wasn't until that very second when Michael was standing there all proud of his accomplishment that I realized, we had brought our unwelcome house guest. "This is our perimeter!". There it is...what the heck? Yes you guessed it PTSD needed a vacation too! I stood there laughing so hard at this measly little white rope that was carefully tied around the cluster of trees surrounding our campsite. We went about our weekend having a wonderful time, even drying our towels- but no one crossed OUR PERIMETER!
For those of you who don't know me, this is my first year of experiencing outside stuff. I helped my family with the garden this year, I even planted my own flowers! I discovered that outside really isn't so bad. So now that I'm Outdoor Woman of the Year it just seemed logical that we become expert campers. Yep, we were going for roughing it-by roughing it I mean we have a small travel trailer and I have to walk to the PUBLIC showers to get semi clean feeling. My wonderful husband, our daughter and her friend load up in two separate vehicles and we were off to experience the most extreme adventure I have ever had. Yes we were escaping for the weekend. No cell phones, no craziness, no family. Just us.
We arrived at our destination earlier than expected that day so we eagerly parked the trailer, unloaded and was going to go exploring. While unloading and setting up our daughter and her friend come in with a look of confusion all over their faces. Surely no one has ever seen that from their 16 year old! I paid them little attention until Audrey pipes in with, "Dad is hanging a rope around the trees". Obviously he is hanging it in anticipation of needing to dry towels later I thought. After several minutes I pop outside to check on Michael's progress of our clothes line. It wasn't until that very second when Michael was standing there all proud of his accomplishment that I realized, we had brought our unwelcome house guest. "This is our perimeter!". There it is...what the heck? Yes you guessed it PTSD needed a vacation too! I stood there laughing so hard at this measly little white rope that was carefully tied around the cluster of trees surrounding our campsite. We went about our weekend having a wonderful time, even drying our towels- but no one crossed OUR PERIMETER!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Oh look at us! We are almost serious about this picture! I remember it like it was yesterday! It was back in Oct 2010, and it was one of the first family pics we had done since PTSD came to live with us. PTSD moved into our home, as best we can recall, in 1999. It was a polite guest at that time, only making itself known occasionally and still respected the boundaries of the family. However, in 2004 boy howdy did PTSD throw itself a temper tantrum and got some massive attention!
We want other families to know that they are not alone. We have been where they are, we have seen just about everything that PTSD can throw at a family. We know that this insane, unwelcome, new family member can nearly tear you apart. But we want to give hope. Even through it all, the nightmares, flashbacks, excuses and paranoia there is hope. We found it by laughing our way through.......this is our story. And we are kicking PTSD in the teeth by telling it!
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